"I'm not starving myself..I'm perfecting my emptiness."

Friday, January 1, 2010


Well the last couple days have gone by in a blur, one marked by when I sleep and when I wake. I was down to 133 on December.... 31 I think. I'm sure I've gained so I haven't weighed myself recently. I've just been holding out until 2010 began, and I feel like it's going to be good.

I'm not one for resolutions, because I just break them. But my parents have decided to go on a healthy-eating kick and cleaned out all the junk from our pantry. Thank the lord!! Restricting and counting cals is going to be so much easier with them watching what they eat.

So I have to dish this out to you guys because I can't tell any of my friends. But on New Years I went to the "man's" house and drank. It was my first time ever and all I had was some beer. I don't know how much I actually had, I wasn't even drunk. The "man" and I played couples beer pong so I just had some of that. But we were missing a ping pong ball and used a cork, so I know it would be a lot easier with an actual ping pong ball. But I stopped soon, one of his good friends got intensely ill and I got scared so I stopped. And I helped with the barf clean-up.

Mmm so how has everyone been? I have four followers. That is so odd to me... this is normally just me talking to myself. And I know it's four and not four-hundred... but it's still four more than I thought I would get.

Stay strong ladies and gents. :)

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Good Morning My Lovelies.

I lost! Oh my goodness, after that binge-fest I thought for sure I would be at least 136. But 134, I'm proud.

Home alone, yet again this morning. That means a glorious no-breakfast morning. Wish I didn't live with these parents so I could fast properly. I would even take being back in school. I can get away with a small bfast and no lunch quite often.

Ugh even though I feel that comfortable rumble in my tummy and I've lost a pound, I still feel gross. My arms are soft and I want a flat tummy. My thighs rub together when I walk and I have huge love-handles. :( But if things keep going the way they are I think they should all be fixed soon.

Love you,


Monday, December 28, 2009


I'm so gross.

I was doing perfectly fine until mom got home. She brought me McDonalds. And I was like, "I'm not hungry" but she made me eat it. All of it.

Then we were laying watching Gilmore Girls and my dad brought a plate of goodies consisting of...
2 cookies made by my grandma
5 yogurt covered pretzels
3 dove chocolates
1 brownie
2 pieces of fudge.

kill me. thats it. no food at all tomorrow. im so strong until i slip up. I don't slip up unless my mom makes me food. Once I slip up I get the mindset that all hope is lost then fucking binge my heart out. So sad...


Sorry for completely bailing. School got intensely busy and then break came along. Holidays, whoop-de-doo.

Anyway, I weighed myself this morning. 135.2!! Not my lowest, but good. Yesterday I did okay, I didn't necessarily restrict but I watched what I ate. I had a salad with grilled chicken (with hot sauce) and cucumbers and tomatoes. Dinner was an organic spinach wrap (382 cals) and some chips. My tummy was quite round by the end of the day but I think it was from like three diet cokes and a lot of sodium.

So this morning I decided to start semi-restricting again. Only water, tea, and coffee. I don't have a set amount of calories to not exceed, just to keep it minimal. Also I should only eat when people are watching. Anything else is eaten in vain.

So far today I've had...
Yogurt (50 cal)
Sugar-Free Jello (10 cal)
Steamed Veggies (45 cal).
Green Giant makes these "Valley Fresh Steamers" that are freaking delicious and so low cal. A serving is 45 cal and the bag is 3 servings. You can eat the whole thing for 135 cals. Today I had a broccoli, carrot, and cauliflower one that came in a very light cheese sauce to give it the perfect amount of flavor. I also figured out we have chicken broth at 10 cals a cup. It's like my mom is supporting my "strange eating habits".

I've been listening to Courage by Superchick on repeat all morning. It not only applies to me, but it's such a beautiful song. :)

Stay strong ladies.

Love, Sophia

Tuesday, December 8, 2009


im fatfatfatfatfatfatfat.

i hate chocolate.

where did my willpower go? i was doing so well until i let those deadly words slip from my lips, "im hungry". i never say that, because then he gets suspicious. cant i learn to keep my mouth shut? at least i knew i screwed up and during a "party" in spanish was able to resist cookies and kool-aid. do those kids not know that 4 of the cookies, which was the serving size gven to everyone, was 400 calories? some people are dumb.

im not dumb, i just have no will power. its all gone. im torn by her and im not even good at listening to her.

then he made me eat cause of my stinking big mouth. cookies. WTF? COOKIES?! can he not see im a fat lard that does not deserve to eat?

tomorrow's meal plan:

bfast- fruit
lunch- none
dinner- something small.

that is it.

Monday, December 7, 2009


Hello all. Just introducing myself, my name is Sophia. I'm fifteen, a sophomore, an honor student and a (wonderful?) girlfriend. I'm also... wait for it... anorexic.

Shocker, eh?

Current Stats:

Height: 5'6
HW: 142
LW: 132
CW: 138
GW: 125
UGW: 120

Today was pretty good. Had half an apple for breakfast (40 cal) and a big thing on coffee w/ splenda (no idea. must look up!). Lunch was 2/3 of a bag of popcorn (66 cals) and a sugar-free jello pudding (60 cal).

I was doing fantastically and then came dinner. Of course my mom decided to cook and make me eat and I was doing well. Zucchini and spanish rice (2/3 a serving) and half a pork chop. I was getting up and she said, "We have ice cream! Mint choco chip... your favorite."



Fuckity fuck fuck.

I was doing great on the "eat minimally and only when people are watching thing" until ice cream. I couldn't resist, I'm so weak. I feel like such a cow. Tomorrow I'm definitely restricting.

Small bfast (make mommy not worry), no lunch (off to library) and small dinner. Mom won't be home for dinner and I can tell my dad I ate earlier. Also running tomorrow... 42 minutes of run 5 min, walk 1 min. So I should burn a good 3-400 cals to make up for any splurging.

I'm gonna be good tomorrow, I promise.

Thinspo of the day is above.

Stay strong ladies and gents.